In Memoriam
by stephunk
Summary: This was her - this was Bella - this was crazy and pure and good and I never understood, but I knew that I loved her, and everything that made her the way she was. M for questionable language.


DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but the plot.

also - for any spelling/grammar errors, i apologize. waiting for a beta.

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When I met Isabella Swan in third grade, I didn't know what to think.

She was a chubby little thing, pale skin and big eyes, and she got glasses that same year, the year she moved to Forks. I remember that she made friends - BFFLs, I believe the official term was - that very day, even though she was plainer than unsalted butter, and that she was voted as the nicest person in Mr. Banner's class. I once saw her cry when a boy scared a mother duck away from her eggs, and rescue a snail on the teacher's desk when everyone was grossed out.

When we got to middle school, she changed. She got contacts because her eyes were getting too bad, and seemed to skip over the whole awkward puberty thing that all the girls had going on in sixth grade (I found out later that she had gotten it early, in fourth grade, when no one really noticed or cared about anything). Her hair was dark and long, and her cheekbones arched prettily under her smooth skin, and in eighth grade a boy named Mike tried to give her something on Valentine's Day. I remember being mildly bothered about it, and not knowing why, and turning away to avoid seeing her reaction. She said thank you, and I heard the smile in her voice, but no thank you. I was surprised. Everyone knew that he had a crush on her, and when she had found out she had seemed pleased, so it made sense for her to take it. He sullenly tried to push it on her anyway, but she just left it on her desk and walked out the door once the bell rang. Our eyes met as she crossed the threshold - and hers were so deep, dark, full of mischief and secrets that it surprised me. They had always seemed so flat before.

Our families grew friendly over the course of high school, and we ended up spending a lot of time together. Bella, as she insisted upon being called, only came over on account of my little sister, Alice, and they spent a lot of time together in Alice's room, talking or painting each other's toenails or doing whatever shit teenage girls do. Then she started teaching Alice how to play the guitar, and I didn't know that she knew how to play, and I think I was impressed. I don't remember. Alice tried to teach her the violin, but that ended disastrously. Bella made the violin emit horrible, squawking noises for half an hour before deciding that she lacked the finesse and gave up. Every time I picked up my violin afterward, I remembered her terrible attempt and couldn't focus on playing. I gave violin up shortly after that and learned how to play the guitar.

I don't know when I fell in love with her. It was natural, easy as breathing, and scary as hell. This was Bella fucking Swan, for Christ's sake. Every guy she talked to ended up having some kind of crush on her, and she was so pure and just _nice_ that you were afraid of spoiling her. (This must be something only I had a problem with, though. Alice had no qualms over introducing her to lingerie and sex toys when she turned eighteen. My imagination went crazy for a few days after that particular episode.)

We started talking over Myspace or Facebook or something stupid like that. My wussy ass refused to talk to her in real life, but even so, I learned that she was more than I ever imagined.

I learned that Bella liked crap like digital flowers that you could water every day on your desktop, and kept an old, ratty, ugly ass stuffed toy that her sister had won her from a claw machine in Phoenix when she was eleven or twelve. She wrote a lot of stuff, and it was some pretty good shit, too, the stuff she let me read. I learned that her mother, who she loved so much but left behind in Arizona, had terrorized her when she was little, and that to that day she couldn't stand up and talk in front of a group of people without going to pieces. I learned that she was a good singer, even though she didn't think she was. I learned that she played piano since she was four and had passed the highest level in ninth grade. I learned that she was a complete klutz and had been afraid to shower for days after watching _Psycho_.

This was her - this was Bella - this was crazy and pure and good and I never understood, but I knew that I loved her, and everything that made her the way she was.

_I finished my speech and looked over the crowd, who was sitting shellshocked in their seats. Alice smiled over me proudly through her tears. Mom and Dad looked speechless. Chief Swan looked like he didn't know whether he wanted to kill me or hug me, but mostly he looked lost without the little brown-haired dynamo sitting by his side._

_I looked at the picture of Bella mounted next to the casket, the warm eyes and the happy smile, and I knew that she had heard me, wherever she was. My heart felt heavy with regret that she had ended before _we_ could ever have been._

_I hugged Alice, who was trying to wipe away her tears, and I hated the world for taking Bella away. I hated the truck driver who had run her over and then sped away without a trace, and I hated the murderer who was walking free._

_But I could never hate Bella._

_I touched my fingers to that stupid toy that she had loved so much, the thing she had given me right before she died, and I felt blessed to have even known her._

_We would never be._

_But we were meant to._

_I would live my life, maybe get married, maybe start a family, but at the end, when all was done, it would be Bella and I, forever, always. Death couldn't stop it, whatever I felt for her, and I know she wanted me too, because that night, as I held the stuffed animal in my hands, I felt something hard inside its left paw. I pressed it, and a recording of Bella saying my name and "I love you" played from the speaker._

_She loved me._

_I sighed, and looked out the window at the sky, and smiled. _I love you too, Bella.

_In the end, it was me and her. She was everything._

_We would always be together. I pressed it again, surprised when a variation came from the toy. I laughed and cried, realizing I'd never heard her say my name before. I played it over and over again, loving her voice, loving her, wishing she were here. I went to bed with the words echoing in my head:_

I love you, Emmett.

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a/n: little twist there at the end. i do so love twists.

so, this is my first time doing fanfiction... no need to be gentle, i'll take whatever you've got.

thanks for reading.


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